Its nearly 2 months since I once again, saw my dad, brothers, family and friends. Felt empty but still more loved than ever.

Sometimes life here still surprise me, in good and bad ways. Sometimes I feel like running all the way to the North Pole. Without a single break. And at other moments, I feel like flying high, Some days, I wanna be right here, and some I wanna go back or just away, and leave life as we know it behind me .

There are those days, where it all comes tumbling down, Where I don’t know what I am doing, why I am doing it, and don’t feel happy, Don’t get that amazing and wonderful feeling, where you feel, if you lift both legs, you actully will fly.But when those days comes, and I feel out of place, and feel like crying without any tears, than I try to focus, I focus on the people around me, I focus to get a smile on their faces, and see how they make my laugh, how they make my day.

I guess, I’ve been thinking to much recently, and instead of moving forward, I have been standing still. Because Honestly, without you knowing it, without me knowing it, I have NO idea, what I want, what I wanna do.

I’ve been thinking about all the times I have gotten hurt in my past, all the times I’ve hurt someone, or did something which was out of my rights, all the times I overreacted. All the times I took more than I gave, or the times I gave more than I took. Because there have been, plenty of it all.There have been plenty of misery, but also a whole lot of smiles, laughter, happy and fufilling moments.

But right now, I am in a crossroad. I can do, as the society expect, work, and get an education, and until September, I can be at that yellow light, waiting for my life to start, to start the next episode. I can wait for it to be green, and than move along.. OR I can do, what you at least expect, like I’ve done SO many times before, I did anything else, than what you wanted of me. I took 2 years off, I spend my years, learning more about life and people, the way I wanna live, than I probably will the next 4 years in school. And I have learned so much, but still it dosent feel like the time to wait ….

OH, while writting all of this, I think I finally desided, I need to go SOMEWHERE; NOW. RIGHT HERE. BUT WHERE. OK, SEE YOU. I NEED TO FIND A JOB SOMEWHERE

Every little thing that you have said and done
Feels like it’s deep within me
Doesn’t really matter if you’re on the run
It seems like we’re meant to be.

India, is behind me, it is my best experience. it is my story about living, about love, about freedom, friends, and finding myself. It will always be just inside,It is memories for a lifetime, it is me and India, and I am over the crush, it is love, it is deep caring love.

So India might be a part of my future, I hope so, because it gave me so much, but for now, its just gonna be a part, not the only part.For now, my life is here, right here, where my heart belongs, where my heart started to beat, and someday will end aswell. It is Denmark, it is my birthplace.

Some days, are hard, and I wish me back to Hampi or Bedla, and away from this crazy stressfull life, but most days, I am also happy and proud to call myself a true dane, with that red passport so safe in my pocket. I am danish from the inside and out, and I love being in the great country in North. This is my home, and it is here I belong, the country will always stay, just here, with me, safe in the back of my mind.

I might go far, and help where needed. Because that is still me, If I can give something back to a world who gave me one amazing family, a world there always is nice and kind for me, then I can someday sleep and smile forever.

I always believed, that we meet people in sudden times of our lifes, where we might need them, to be just there, and there is a reason for almost everything, sometimes it might be hard to find, but i fully believe its there. On this trip, I had the amazing experience to spend 3 months with one of my close friends, who I truly admire, and wish all happiness for everyday. I wont always admit it, but he taught me alot, about being a great human being. Because he is.but sssssssh!!!! I also had the pleasure to meet a cool irish girl, who was a great fun, and she made me laugh alot. I meet Emma, my new swedish friend, which I got to know a whole lot, and she is so cool. I meet some wonderful people, no matter where in India I went, who made the journey so pleasant.I saw some, who made my day, and some who made me be grateful for the parents I got, I meet some who offered me jobs, and some who wanted my money, and tried to cheat me, because when all comes to all, I will always be that rich western girl, except, I am not really rich, actully I am poor and a student, and I see myself alot as danish, but more often I try to be a citizen of the world.

Coming home, meant love from mom and dad, and the sweetest friends, and not much sadness, just a whole lot of smiles… and bit drunkness. I desided after 3 days, to make a small and nice trip to Sweden. Very nice, running away from Denmark…

All in All, my life is here, and I am ready to start living it here again. I am just now sitting with my apply to my next big thing - STUDY. OHHHH. I already got a job here, in a kindergarthen and it is this very nice place, with lots of wonderful kids, and grown-ups, just about my age, and all from around my neighboorhood..

Ok, back to life. love to you all, have a nice eh march, or something.xxx

Sep. 29th

So, been back for something like 16 days! Really awesome, I’ve missed this place so much, and it feels a bit like home. We started early in Copenhagen an early morning - feeling a bit scared, mixed with happy - and still not believing that the day was finaaally there.

Delhi, the capital was much better than I recall…it was still noisy ’ but not as smelly as I recall. We spend our time in Delhi with my dear indian-family Roshni and Mr. Pradhan, the strangest feeling seeing them again! But so good. My sweet travelpartner seemed a bit shocked, and of course asking once about that smell, what was it - and it is still that mix between lots and lots of currys,mixed with sweat, and shit.. combined it makes the taste of Delhi.

With a goal in my head I fastly wanted to run away from crazy Delhi and Agra… because as a first-timer in India, you have to see the great Taj. So we did. Early in the morning, watching the sunset rising over this amazing palace. We used some time there, took billions of pictures. There must have been one or two indians thinking we were crazyyyy. But for me the only crazy part was, that we were to pay 750 rupees to see this amazing palace - and true Indians only pays 100 rupees. it is fareoooout in so many ways, but it is also just India, being India. and I guess that it is the most beauty part in all of India, and everyone should have the oppptunity to see this magnificent place.

Fastly after Agra, we took the train against my home, my sweet love, my kids, my orphanage, my everything! And suddenly we were there, in the middle of my town! Incredible India for sure!!! Right there with Gaurav and Ravi, God I missed those wonderboys sooo soo much. And I tell you something, my heart was beating so crazy just before seeing them. They are already teasing me again, especially Ravi….. haha!! We spend some time with them, went to the Moonson Palace, which was so beautiful…just like my sweet Udaipur…

Saying goodbye already 4 days after, was hard! Seriously hard., but I will see them soon again I guess. <3 Going against Mumbai, a city lot like Agra and Delhi, but in so many ways so different. We went there to become big BIG Bollywood stars - but did not succed. really sorry! I still dream about becoming a movie-STAR. hahhaaha! Anyway we left the city of dreams really really fast to the place in the middle of India, which is not really India - GOA.

It is our last night here, finaallllly1 Taking a nighttrain tonight to Cochin, the main city in Kerala! Finaaaally. We been staying in this little Hippietown called Anjuna! And even though it have been alot of fun, its time to move on, it is India, but it is not the India I love and care for. The people are different - alot more superficial than the people up north! But we meet some really nice people here though, from all across the world, and it have been cool. not really awesome. but cool…. and def. TAAAAAAAAAAASTY.

Anyway, the russian guy is calling my name and wanna go eat, before we have to catch the train, and we so have to say goodbye to Anjuna and the beaches. Peace. Love you all.

Oct. 4th.

Waaaauw, time runs by quick sometimes. I feel it was yesterday that I was about to leave my dad, my brothers, all my friends, it was not that hard though, because I had something so great coming towards me - India! It dosen’t mean I don’t miss them but I know they are mostly alright, and I am having a great time, and because of this, I don’t need to be the same place all the time. BUT I wish all of you could see all the wonders I am seeing…

With only 9 days left of travelling part I have sooo many mixed feelings. I love the backpacker life, I really do! For me it’s the way I feel that I am truly alive. Moving around that way, with all your life in a simple backpack! wa-uw! But it is also a hard life I guess, but so far its only been great - and I am a bit sad that in 9 days I will be ‘stucked’ in Udaipur for 3 months - but than again, that place have so many wonders, it is the best city! I really love it there, I love the people, the atmosphere that surround this city - my kids of course.The 7 lakes. My house in Bedla, with those two wonderboys!

The last couple of days, we been around in Kerala! we desided to jump of the train, to catch this bus to Munnar! so we at that point had been on the road for 19 hr, it was ok! we slept a big part of it. Sadly we arriveded at Munnar when it was dark, and we were ready to sleep! After of course, dinner and a shower! Waking up the next day was so incredible, surrounded by huge tea-mountains, waterfalls and rivers, we were so reaaady to experience Munnar! The city of Tea! We went around for the whole day - just seeing all these amazing views! Had lots and lots of fun. Top Point was amazingly beautiful! Some day, when I have experienced the rest of India, I will for sure go back there. Next day, trying to catch a bus to Kollam, and going from Kollam to Varkala, 7-8 busride, for something about 7 DKR. (Yes Helle, this is what we want, cheaper busses and trains, thanks) we instead found this cap, who drove us all the way for 2000 rp, which is just nearly about 240 DKR. amazingly cheap India.

Late that night, after I once again became driversick, and we had been stucked in this festival for some time, we arrived at Varkala! this amazing little town, out to the big ocean! so incredible nice! I guess it must be, what our 3rd night here now, and it’s a really cool place, lean back, and just go with the atmosphere. They are playing Bob Marley all over, is inspired by Tibet, its reaallly cool! Last night we were at a concert, really nice! that is something I miss from home, go out and see music! I miss that alot! I also miss all you people… no matter where you might be, Nepal, Denmark, U.S, Tanzania! I wish you were all right here, making this experience with me! Making a trip like this, you can do on your own, but when you come home, it is nice, to have someone there, to share it with, because there is so many great moments, experiences, everything, the pictures I can show, and the stuff I can read, or tell, is just a little taste of it…I hope you all are good, perfectly safe and enjoying the new danish government! Lots of Love .

Oct. 22nd

Travelling is for most people a pleasure, it means time to relax, and do whatever feels right! For me, travel is the way of knowing I am alive, moving from one place to another, for one day finding a place I truely by my heart can call home.

For me, at this moment, while speaking a sudden place in Bedla is my home. Coming back here was so good! it felt like the right place for me to be. right here, in the middle of my love, chapati, pappadan, rice and lots of curries.

Getting here, was hard! it took longer than I first expected! In the end of my big - wanna see south india trip, I forgot why, and it seemed like something I just had to run quickly by, Mostly because I felt alone, I had that feeling of being totally completely alone, even though I was in a room filled with people. But I guess, while traveling you learn alot, about yourself, or the one you are traveling with, maybe it dosent always seems like it, but you do! Maybe you learn that it is better to go by yourself, or maybe you learn to think twice about your travelingpartner, maybe you learn that it dosent matter who you traveling with, as long as you are not alone. I learned on this trip, that I do like, having someone to share my experiences with, but the person I wish to share it with, is not anyone, it have to be someone close to my heart, because if it isn’t, it don’t matter. And I learned that I am good enough to travel by myself, I don’t need a bodyguard to protect me, I can just aswell go and be the superstar whom run away!

I much rather want a person I can come back to, when my travel is over, when I have seen the world, a person I can be close to, whom puts me in his arm, and tell me this is home. Because that must be the best thing about traveling, having someone waiting for you.

Getting back to Udaipur, was just great, it’s been a week already, and I feel more happy, and more relaxed than ever! That kind of relaxed I was searching for, the quietness people go to ashrams for! I have it here, it is a place where I can Eat,Pray and Love!

And seeing my boys at the orphanage was so amazing, I was touch in my heart, when they were able to recognize me. Yesterday I showed them pictures of last time, and it was the biggest effect ever! I think they finally got why I came back, and how much I missed them, how they touch my heart in so many ways, how much I care and love for them, and wishing them the greatest life ever.  And of course they are calling me potato already! it feels like nothing really changed, but alot have, the boys are sweeter, and my junglegirls are not here, but it is alright, I knew last time, that it wasn’t over, that I should have stayed for longer, and I think after this time I hopefully can find that love for Denmark I had when i was little….I am starting to miss my bike! haha’ . lets see. Love love, filled with more love, and pappadan to Freja, Corianders for Christina and Chai for Simone.

Dec. 29th.

First of all, I hope u all had a very merry christmas. and before I forget, that u all, will have a stylish and fab. New year’ Me,myself and I will be celebrating in India, hopefully with a Martini asti in one hand. And some kind of sweet in the other one. Looking out over the 7 lakes of Udaipur. It must be the most beautiful view in the world. Standing with a true friend of my heart by my side. That must be all one person can ever wish for. Don’t the wise people say, that the way u celebrate new year’s, is the way u are gonna spend the whole next year ?If so, I already look forward to 2012. I am spending the year with true friends.

Being in India have been great! And there is so much to say! I could say how much I love it here 400000 millions times, and would still not get tired of it, but maybe u guys would. And that’s why I don’t. India is a journey in more than one way. The true journey is finding myself completely. I always been so sure about the person I am, and the person I wanna be, most of the time its the same, but sometimes I need to grow up ( Anwar, porridgeman, this one is for u :P) and learn, I need to learn so much more than I know now. But that is luckly what I want. I wanna learn, I wanna experience life, and take it all, breathe everywhere. If its here, or Denmark, it dosent matter.

I am leaving the orphanage in something like 3 weeks, I am not sure I am completely done, but I feel much better’ bout it, than last. I feel that I am starting to get ready for my homecountry! And a new government. That I am ready to start living my life there, for me! Without dreaming about this place every single moment. India will always be my first love though. Nothing will ever change that. It gave me so many wonders, so many smiles, beauty, and it gave me junglegirls. but mostly the smile. And no matter what, I will always have the memories of a almost perfect life. A life who made me not wanna go to sleep at night, and waking up in the morning with the biggest smile.

Even though I sound ready, and I might be, it is gonna be hard, its gonna be really really hard saying goodbye, because this time, it probably is goodbye. It’s not see u in 7 months, its not just a period of time, it might be goodbye for a lifetime. I need to see the rest of the world, I need to see my friends, I need to go to Mexico, Australia, Tanzania, Morroco, Argentina… I need to see it all, love it all, and than someday, I will go back.

The thing is, India opend my heart, with the key, the key it will always have, and it will always be the one, but my heart is ready to recieve that love from everywhere, see it all, take it all, live with it all - and give back. Give and take, exactly like I got from India. I got so much love, and I hope that I gave just a small amount back to the people.

Ah, what the hell, I am talking, I still have over 1,5 month back! But its the right time, to be happy completely. When I come home I am sure gonna drink Asti with Nadia. Have a late christmas-eve with my family. A day in the park with my junglegirls, Sushi with Mia, Biketrips with Anwar, Shopping with Patrick… and just live in Denmark! Oerhv, I really look forward to that. Before that, take care on 31st, dont loose any fingers, wear the mask, and JUMP as monkeys into 2012.

Love you!

9th of February 2012

So, India gave me life, than India was hell and I waaaaanted so badly to go home. And NOW, with 5 days left in amazing and incredible India, with 5 days left of the most amazing period of my life, I am out of myself, I dont know what to do, and where to go. What happened with those 5 months ?But on the other hand, I am for the first time ever, more sure about what I wanna do, how I wanna do it, whom I wanna do it with.

It is still hard, because I never got to see Varanasi, Kolkata, Sikkim and so on, but I was so lucky to see most of south, everywhere they say is worth going.

I left Udaipur, I left Gaurav and Ravi, with me being the only volunteer, it was even worse than last, I guess because this time, I know that, its not gonna be, see u in 5 months, its more like see u in 5 years, and that is unbelievable unfair. I found two amazing and wonderful guys, whom I adore more than life„ and than I have to spend my life more than 8000 km away. But still, I am grateful, that god gave me the opportunity to meet them, and be friends with them, not everyone is that lucky, and as the world is now, we do have Skype, and Facebook, we have cellphones. The only thing there will be missed, is that important last thing, the human contact, where u look at one another, u see the eyes. Lets see what future brings. 

I left them, standing there, couldnt turn around, because than I would fell down, and never stand up, I went to Delhi, where the first people I meet, of course was danish, we might be a small country, but we are everywhere. it was a nice beginning of my amazing see india by myself trip. We had strawberry daiquiri, and it was just kind of familiar.

I went from here to Chennai, to visit Allwin, had some nice and peacefull days, even though Chennai is chaos, filled with more chaos. For those of u, whom been in India, Chennai is like Delhi, but worse, Delhi is still the capital, and there is stuff to do, and stuff to see, Chennai was without this, but I did have fun. which was good. I went from here to Mamallapuram, which was awesome, it was the India I like, it was also filled with tourist though, but I met Alyson, an awesome girl from Ireland, and we hanged out. We were even asked to be in a teaser for BBC, that is awesome, or maybe just what happens, when two beauties sits and chills.

We said yes, and bla bla bla, they called when we just arriveded in Pondicherry, which was crap, it was SO borrrring, why is it that ppl always talks about this freakplace, just because the wine and the cheese. HMMM

Than we split, because I was so stupid to wanting to go to Tranquebar, this danish fort, in the middle of fuckin’ nowhere… we are talking one hotel in the city, and they dont have a phone, which is kind of weird, but I take the chance, and go there, NOOO roooms, nothing, and it was like 8 in the evening, this is not good. So the hotelreceptionist tells me to go to this churchroom ,and sleep there, wtf wtf wtf…

I looked, and I looked, nowhere to be found, so I go in the church and pray. Like from out of nowhere, I find this church-family, whom offer me their house for the night, so there I was, with no other options, and God, just gave me an helping hand, so I slept there, it was not the best night, but I had a bed (without madras) and a lock on my door, I had dinner, and a toilet, I was safe.

I went straight to Madurai from here, checked into a very fancy hotel, and took care of myself, it was going from one extreme to another, like India, constantly is, its poor next to rich, its sweet next to spicy, its ugly looking man, next to the most beautiful in the world, its everything…. but I wanted to escape, no matter what it was, I wanted to go home, and get a hug from daddy, not possible though.

So I said to myself, be strong, live ur life, smile everyday, and make people laugh, and stand up, God gave u legs, so u could stand, SO I went to Kanyakumari, the end of India, only place in the world, where three oceans meet, it was nice, but I of course, on top of it all, had foodpoison, I was in bed for one day, but after, even more determined on enjoying India completely. So I went to Varkala, to meet Emma, stayed for one night, 

and thaaaaaan, we took this amazingly 18 hours trip to Mysore, OMG! we had lots of fun, buuuuut it was a long trip, Mysore is amazing though, beautiful palace, if u can : goooo! And than we went to Bangalore, or Bengaluru, as some people choosen to call it. No matter what we did, we laughed and had fuuun. And in Bangalore we stayed at my german friends place, with pool and gym, and everything wonderfull. And than.. it was time to See Hampi, so here I am, in the most wonderfuul place in India, with only one more stop, and crying my lungs out, I miss Gaurav, and I miss Ravi, I miss my kids, but i’ve leearned, and smiled, and I am happy, and I cannot wait to see my friends again , nooooow there is a curfew, so goodnight everyone. See u veryyy verrrry soon.

So should I Stay?

My whole world is changed. Everything I believe in, I am not sure if it is the truth.  14 days before leaving for India again – and like the last time, I am definitely not ready, I am not ready to be filled with that amazing love and gratitude for being a human all the Indians have. I am not ready to leave my dad, my brothers and my friend Anwar. But mostly I am not ready to eat Puri, Nan, and Dal for 6 months.

On the other side, I am so ready to see my kids again, I so much look forward to give Gaurav Bansal and Ravi Kumar the biggest hug the world have ever seen.  I am so ready to experience more of India. I am so ready to yell Chalou Chalou, and Tikke Tikke, … But then again, I will be so far away from Freja, Christina and Simone.

Have you ever heard the song called – Torn between two lovers? For so long I was so sure about what I wanted, and how it was going to come my way.  How I of all people, was to become the luckiest girl in the whole world, and come back to sweet Bedla.  But now, I am so Torn, I am so split. And I don’t know what I really want, and what would be the right thing for me to do…

I will quote the song above:

There’s been another man that I’ve needed and I’ve loved

But that doesn’t mean I love you less . And he knows he can’t possess me and he knows he never will . There’s just this empty place inside of me that only he can fill.

When I came home to my Copenhagen, to my friends and family, I didn’t feel like I was in the right place, and my heart was still somewhere else… The key holder was still in amazing and wonderful, incredible India, with all the holy cows, and all the colors’. It was there I was supposed to be. No doubt about that. But while my love and my heart was still down there, my life back here had to go on, and so it did. I meet some amazing people, that you only get to know if you are like me, really lucky, and sunshine decides to come your way. I took one day at the time, always with the man of my dreams in the back of my head. But I got this friend with the most amazing heart, the world will ever see. And I am not lying, but whenever he was sad, it was raining, and whenever he was smiling the weather was so good as it could have been a dream. To me he gave me a life in Denmark again; he gave me something to wake up to. And no matter, what you say and what you think now, I will always and forever love this man, as no one else have ever loved and cared for him. He needed to fill a sudden place in my heart – he filled that empty place I had after leaving India. He filled it with so much love, that every single girl would envy me, but adore him. But baby’ I messed it up, like big- time. 

We fast became this old marriage- couple, for no reason, because new friendships are supposed to bring love and happiness. We often yelled and were not that nice, we often talked bad and evil. More often than good is, we were fighting over something meaningless and stupid. I will choose now, to say that I did it out of love, and out of care for this amazing man! But that is not the truth. I said a lot of stuff; I lied once or twice because I love him, and would never see him get hurt in his heart…. But mostly we did fight because I was selfish and young. And I thought that we could be better than this.

God knows we’ve called each other a little of everything.

With a temper as yours and mine, it can sometimes be difficult

A common friend of ours, recently told me, I was becoming that girl, he could give all the shit to, and I would still support him and always be his friend… and this friend was so right, and so wrong, because I am not that girl, I don’t want to be that girl, I do want to support him, but I wont take the shit. I don’t want him to see me like he can tell me to go to hell and I keep forgiving him over and over and over, because it breaks my heart piece by piece. SO I did something, and it might have been the hardest thing I ever done, I said that he should delete me. Our friendship was not helping either of us to a better life,

I hated myself, but for me at that point it was the right thing and the only thing I could do, because I was so frustrated, and I was so sad that he once again, didn’t believe in, that if he asked me to stay I would do so, If he asked me to go with him on a world trip I would go with him…He didn’t believe that in my heart I do love him, and I would do anything to make him smile and make him happy, because he is my friend and he changed my whole life in Denmark.  Maybe it is for the best, that him and me not are friends, do not talk, but it is so much breaking my heart to walk away from him, it is so much harder than my life should be. He is that friend, whom I would move mountains for, I would swim over the ocean, I would do anything to see him smile once again. And no matter where life might take us, separately or together, he will always have a place in my heart. I will always thank god because I had him in the best time ever. He is true, an African prince.

But yes! I am leaving soon. Or maybe I am just finally going home, but I am saying bye to my dad and brothers, and even the bar! Once again I am saying goodbye to home for a period of time, and when all is said and done, it is the right thing I am doing. I am going to the man I love.

Next time I am coming home, I have something amazing to come back to, something I didn’t have last time, I have the junglegirls, and I have my brothers, and my dad! I have a life to go back to, and a test for the journalist school, and hopefully I can take my boys in Bedla under my arm and bring them here, and show him who and what I love.

Yes Boss. I am going, India is waiting for me. 

This is the most amazing week of the year. All the students are flying without wings and finnaaally got that hat, the hat I miss having on my head. It was the best week. And Now, for alll us, the people, Roskilde is finally here. I missed you for one year. 

Unlike most people back here in Denmark, I don’t regret anything at all, because If I did so, I wouldn’t be able to get up in the morning. I am enjoying every day, and smiling when I wakes up in the morning. My life is a gift from God, and I am still unpacking it. Its the greatest gift you will ever get. Every day it brings something great, something there makes your life worth living. For me its all the small stuff. 

Today it was seeing my family, after a big party yesterday where all the crazzyy swaaaggers was drinking, maybe a bit to much. And we were all so tired, but still messin’ around. It was when my dad suddenly just crashin’ my friends party. It was just being around people I like. Old and New friends. It was my brother at 11, asking me why me and my friend just didnt became a couple right here and now - because I talk to him all the time, and if he don’t have girlfriend and I don’t have a boyfriend we should be. He made all that love we all are looking after so easy and simple, just as it should be. Just like Life should be, simple. Forget all the complications, all the bad stuff. Maybe We live more than once, I dont now, maybe we only live once, and if so, I will make my life so perfect everyday that once is enough. See all the wonders. But also enjoy the small stuff, like having coffee with my dad. Do the stuff there makes me happy. 

For now, its going a bit wild and crazy. Its the festival. Its Kings of Leon, its sex on fire. Lots and Lots of beers. Mostly just seeeing friends. Goooodbye luksus mennesker!, see you in 7 days. I need TUBORG ………………..! 

I completed my highschool education for exactly one year ago., and it has been a long, wonderful, amazing year, filled with the best people around me. 

Do you know, those moment, where you meet a new friend for the first time, and you guys just connect in that special way, and you know, that you just made a life-time friendship. I have had a few of them before, but this year I had alot. I also met some people I knew, was only for a period of time, I met some I wanted in my life, but it wasn’t meant to be in the long run. All these people made mig gapyear so amazing, that I recently decided that I am taking one more. 

When I got that danish amazing and so powerful hat, I never been more happy, it was time to something new- new and exciting. It was time to that India-trip I wanted for so long. But before that, I had to earn some money, which I did a harder way than first thought. Through this shitty work I met some great people, I also met some people whom shouldnt be a part of seeing me smile and laugh, but I attend to think only of the good moments. It was summer, it was wild and crazy, it was def. summer in Denmark, with clubs, drinks, beaches, roadtrips, roskilde,  summerhouse and alot of perfect moments, that I will remember for a long time. But the summer passed by, the parties didn’t, it went even more crazy, even more wild, and in all this crazyness I got the best friend I ever had. We worked together, and I remember I saw her, and my thought was, wauw, she seems so cool, she should be a part of my life. We started talking, and quickly before I knew it, she was a great great friend. She still is, and I am sure we will be for a long long time. 

Then christmastime came, and I was about to leave for another world. I was so sick before that great trip, and I didn’t wanna go. why should I, what could India give me, I already had so much right here. I had my friends, and a perfect life - almost. 

I went, with 6 strangers, and wasn’t that happy. But it turned out it was the greatest trip, and I learned so much, more than I know right here. India wasn’t surpposed to be a love story, but it became exactly that, me falling in love! But it wasn’t love at first sight, but it still smashed me good and painfull. My first love, no matter what, will always be India, it took my heart away, India is the keyholder. Coming home, was the worst feeling I ever had, even though it was a hello to my friends and family. But something was missing. I made the greatest friends down there, people from all over the world. From here to there. I knew that it wasnt over, not for now, i wasnt surposed to be back here soo soon,my mind was still in sweet bedla. 

Time went by - and now exactly 69 days after arriving back here, I am splitted between two parts. I booked my flight to India, and its gonna be so great going back there, wouldnt miss it. Its going to be so awesome. But I have this, this torn, its hard, I was planning London in september, with my best friend, for 4 weeks something, bartenderschool. it was amazing. it was a longtime dream, just like India.  But India, India is an more important dream, its my life downthere, its where I am surposed to be right now. I know that. Its also where I wanna be. no doubt. My friend took it like she always do, chilled. AND thats why she is my best friend, its like, even though she dont always understand my choices, she always stands behind me. - thats why she’s my friend. But she booked the school in London last week, and for the first time I was feeling my life going in a way , there was so so far away from the person I used to be. That was my dream, London, or what? I felt sad, and somehow a bit disappointed about my self. It was my longtime dream. 

Yes! It WAS, my dream now is about India, going back there. I have a whole other life there. A life most people only can dream about. That’s why I am going back again  - and maybe, but only maybe again some other day, for now I am just enjoying the time here and soon to be there. 

14th September is the big day. Leaving here, this place for a great period of time. If you asked me a week ago or two, I would have been out of my mind, because it seems so long. But now, today it seems like the perfect amount of time in Denmark. I have this really nice job, with some nice people, that I like alot being around, and India dosent seem that far away, sometimes it still does, but not all the time. I can maybe stand it. Or I have too. It just meens seeing my love, my india again will be so so so perfect, because I waited for this long. 

I asked my friend some days ago, his family is from Tanzania and now live in Denmark, I asked him where his home is - and he said he didnt know, for some time I was confused and like what the fuck. but then started thinking, and somehow, but only maybe somehow, he might gave the perfect answer, isnt it like citizen of the world? I don’t have to have a home, because all of this is my home. maybe it can be explained like this, I dont know, you tell me. 

Sitting here - one year after is good and bad. I done so much, and it have been amazing, but it have also gone by faster than anything else. I can only be glad for my friend, she is completing school tomorrow, and I am more than just normally proud. 

i don’t feel like being here, I dont think as this as a home, but like a place for now. 

 “I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I ended up where I needed to be”.